.. All of me

I feel like I should start of these blogs with "Dear diary, today has been..." or something along those lines. Haha, well, I will refrain from doing that. I feel like that would make me open up completely on here and share some things that you probably don't need to know. :p

Anyways, the last few months have been crazy for me. Since the beginning of the spring semester, I have had a new passion for God - A desire for more of Him. It has been great. There is so much more to life than just going through the motions. I have experienced a deeper relationship with Him and have seen Him at work in my life more than ever before. Things have not gone amazingly great (at least, not how I had planned), but I can see His hand on my life through everything. Yet, through it all, I feel as though something was missing.

This past week, I have become more aware of this fact. I felt like there was something holding me back from going deeper. At first, I thought that it must have been God. Or, rather, that I needed to keep asking Him for more. So, I did. Yet, I still felt like I was not getting anywhere. Something was not right. I needed to find out what it was. I asked Him to show me what was missing.

Well, needless to say, God answers prayer.

Today, I got up and was really excited for church. I usually have a hard time getting up on time and being at church before it starts. Today, however, was quite the opposite. I was not only on time, but even a little bit early :)

Anyways, as we started to worship, I just felt God's presence (best feeling in the world!). We were singing a song that has a part where it says "take me higher, take me higher" and as I sang those words, I felt like God was telling me that He wanted to. In the middle of that song, I just prayed, "God, give me more!". He answered, "Tim, Give Me more!" ..What? Give Him more? I'm the one that wants more! I wanted to get in a little fight with Him.. "no You give me more!.." but it I quickly realized how pointless it would be to argue with the God of the universe. ;)

Then, it hit me, God wants all of me! As much as I want to say that He has all of me, I feel that would be lying. I realized that there are parts of my life that I have not completely surrendered to Him. I have given him 7 pieces of the pie, but have kept 1 for myself (I like pie.. mmmm). I have surrendered to Him, but only as much as I am comfortable with. As I searched my life, I realized that there are quite a few areas that I am still hording to myself. As much as I believe that placing my life into His hands is best, I still don't want to fully surrender.

Well, worship ended, and my mind was spinning. I had a hard time focusing on the announcements and everything going on. It was family Sunday, so all of the youth were in the service with us so it wasn't boring or anything. My mind was just off in another world. I felt like I had gotten what I came for, and now just had to sit through a message til I could go home. Well folks, God was not done with me yet.

The message blew my mind! The title was "I heart God". We are in a series titled, "Things I heart". My pastor, Terry Crist, was preaching today, and He is one of the greatest teachers I have ever heard in my life. He taught from Mark 12:28-31.. the passage where Jesus tells us the greatest commandment.. to love God with all of your heart! My ears pricked when I heard the title and passage. I thought that I had learned as much as I could from that passage, but, boy, was I wrong!

Here's what I got from it..

God wants all of us. He wants all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our mind and all of our strength. He wants it all! Not just part of it. He wants it all! (right on with what I was getting during worship) What stops us from from giving Him it all? Gaps. The gaps between what we say and what we actually do.

The first gap, is the Commitment Gap. This is the gap between what we want and what we settle with. (i.e. We desire a blessed life in God, but settle for a comfortable life in the world) We say Jesus is in our lives, and He is. We are content with Him living in there and having Him show up from time to time. But, God wants more. He wants the sum total of your life to be Him. He wants all of your life. He is not content to just live in it, He wants to be the center. He wants it all! How do we know if we have not given it all to Him? ... Are you relating to God on His terms, or on your terms? (guilty!)

The next gap is the Passion Gap. Our passion defines us. What we are passionate about consumes us. ..Does your heard burn to seek Him? ..To grow close to Him?

Then, there is the Emotional Gap. We keep our emotions to ourselves and on what we want in this world. ..Does anything excite you more than Jesus?

Next, the Knowledge Gap. We know truths about God, about Jesus, about the Bible. These beliefs should be what we stand on. We need to be able to defend Christianity. When hard times come, we need to fall back on these truths. C.S. Lewis wrote that "Man has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself". This is so true. ..Do we live on our emotional basis, or on our true beliefs? If it is emotional, then we will crack under pressure. We will go with whatever is easy.

Lastly, there is the Priorities Gap. Where do we place our priorities? ..Are you serving God without reservation? "What do I love when I love my God?" Looking at your priorities is a great way to see if you are living sold out for Jesus.

Wow. I have written a novel, but I'm not done yet... keep reading!

Well, I hope I did justice to that message, because it was really, really good! Anyways, at the end of the message, Terry told us that we all fall short and have these gaps in our lives. God wants to help us to close the gaps. He will. We just have to ask Him. "Knock and the door will be open unto you". That's all He is asking. He just wants us to take the step and ask.

There is a difference between what I have been asking for and what He wants me to ask Him for. He is the answer to both questions, but I need to ask Him to help me give Him all of my life. I desire more of Him and He desires more of me. It's a perfect fit! :) God is amazing. He is the answer to all of our desires/longings/questions. He is the answer.

I need to go hard after Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! He is waiting with open arms! It is so simple! I just need to spend time with Him and everything else falls into place. He is everything I need, and so much more. I love spending time with Him. He wants all I have, and all I want is Him.

He can have the last piece of the pie!

Cheers.