The end is near. The internship is drawing to a close. The time to return home is at hand!
In the next three days, we will try to finish up the project work for the African Dream Academy. My part is also almost complete. I’ve written the report for the orphan housing I designed. I’ve also finished all the AutoCAD drawings I’ve been working on. Both the report and drawings have been redlined (marked up) and I’ve finished editing them. Now, all that is left is compiling all the pieces of the report and putting the finishing touches on it! We should have the report finished by the time we leave! Praise God for that! If you had asked me two weeks ago if we would finish the project before we left I would have laughed! Again PTL!
I’m so glad that I’ve had this great opportunity to work with eMi and give my time to God. It has been an amazing experience and I’ve seen God reveal things in my heart that I need to change. I praise God for that. He really is challenging me and I am really thankful that I’ve had this time away from everything that is familiar in my life to just spend time with the Lord and gleam from His Word. I’m really going to miss eMi UK, Colchester, and all the friends that I’ve made over here!
The end is near, but only for this stage in my life. I’m also really excited to see all that God has in store for me in the coming months, weeks, and even days! I can’t wait to get back to Arizona and everything that goes along with that. I am especially excited to get back to: family, friends, dogs (that’s you Toby and Teddy!), classmates, Mexican food, iced green tea, beautiful sunsets, Filibertos and longboarding. The ONE thing that I don’t want to get back to is the horrible heat in the desert! I’ve been loving the highs of 70 and the frequent showers here in England. Ah, but it will be so good to get back!
Before I go, I just want to share something that God has really laid on my heart in the past few weeks.
I’ve noticed that in my life, I seem to know what to believe about certain things and claim to believe them. However, God has been showing me that what I say I believe and what I believe are sometimes two very different things.
I claim to put Jesus first in my life, and that He is indeed at the very center of my life. I claim that I have given every bit of my life over to Him to do with as He pleases. I claim that I’m following Jesus just for the sake of following Jesus. However, God’s shown me that this is entirely the case. This is especially true when it comes to trials and tribulations in my life or the lives of those close to me.
I feel that I’ve been through a lot through life. I’ve seen my youngest brother have the most painful and handicapped life that I can imagine. I’ve seen the effect that it has had on my family. I’ve seen close relatives of people close to me die. I’ve seen some friends walk away from God. I’ve seen my best friend get diagnosed with a severe form of cancer and go through intense chemotherapy. I’ve seen even more personal things in my life just get worse and worse.
Each time a new thing comes up, I grumble and complain and ask “when am I (and those close to me) going to get a break?” I feel that I’m entitled to it. I wouldn’t say that of course, but all the same that is what I feel. I’ve been blind to this until recently. This summer, it seems that more and more things keep coming up that don’t seem fair. I don’t get it. I had began to get bitter and kind of be frustrated with God. I did not behave as Job did. I whined. I, of course, wouldn’t admit to that. I had fooled myself into thinking that I was handling it in a Godly way. It wasn’t until a couple of weekends ago that God showed me my true heart.
It came in the form of sailing. Yes, sailing. I had the opportunity to get out in the English Channel (or, at least, very near it) for a bit of sailing. While out on the boat with nothing but the sound of the wind and the waves, God began to work on my heart. He showed me through His creation just how powerful and almighty He really is. With just a slight breeze, the sailboat can be propelled across the great waters of the ocean at a great speed. If the sails aren’t handled with great precision, the occupants would soon be thrown out to sea.
Through this simple realization, I marveled at how great our God really is. I also realized how small I am in compared to Him. I mean, He is the God of the universe – which I find to be breathtakingly beautiful – and with a flick of His fingers He could wipe out everything that He has created!
With this realization, came another one right on its heels. God loves me! He loved me so much that He sent His only Son to live a perfect life and then sacrifice His life in the worst and most painful kind of way just for me! He has saved me from the depths just to be in a relationship with me! When you really get your head around that concept (if that is even remotely possible!), everything else seems to fade away.
I realized that I need to follow Jesus just for the sake of following Jesus. It shouldn’t be conditional to how good my life is at the time, or whether or not I have time for Him. It should be unconditional. I realized that I had started to believe that I am entitled to a good life. That I am entitled to catch a break now and again. When, in reality, I do not have a right to any of that. That is not to say that I should be glad when bad things happen to people close to me, but that I should cry out to God on their behalf and pursue Him more!
The fact of the matter is that we have the chance to have a personal relationship with the One who created us! The One who has given us a new life! How great is that?!? Should we not pursue Him with everything? To give Him our everything – heart, mind, soul, and strength?
I have said similar things before and thought that I had really meant it, but I realize now that I hadn’t fully comprehended the idea. I now understand that living a life for God isn’t about just knowing things or even doing things. It is about abandoning myself and striving after God with my all. I know that I still probably don’t understand it all, but I am trying to grapple with it and talk to God about it. I know that He will help me figure out just exactly what to do about it. But, for now I know that I don’t want an ordinary life. I don’t want a cushioned life. I want an adventurous life! I want a life that is worth living! I want to lay down humbly before the Lord and truly give Him my everything. Not to just say it, but to truly mean it.
Father,
I love you. I desire only you.
I give my life to you. All of it.
I want to know you more, really.
But, Father, help me in my unbelief.
Give me the strength I need to see this through.
I need you more than I even realize now.
Tell me where to go and I will go.
I am willing.
Amen.
I just want to leave you with this video that I have recently watched. This is only a preview of the real video. It’s part of a series of videos made by Simon Guillebaud. They are really challenging me to live all for Jesus. Check them out!
Cheers!
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